Monthly Archives: October 2013

Feeling My Way Through The Fog

I’m in kind of a funk.

Like, the I-need-alcohol-to-stop-hysterically-crying-before-my-phone-interview-in-15-minutes,-but-then-I-won’t-be-able-to-drive-to -Walmart-and-buy-more-alcohol-after-it’s-over kind of funk. Because I can’t text and drive AND be under the influence, duh.

In reality, I don’t care how this phone interview goes. I have no intentions of accepting the internship, even if it is offered to me. This nonchalant attitude is technically how I managed to get the internship I’m in now, but I hate it, so really, it didn’t do me much good.

It gets a little worse, though. I’m depressed (about a number of uninteresting and unmentionable things), which means I want to binge eat, but I’m trying to lose weight, which doesn’t mesh well with binge eating. What?!

And I’m losing faith in humanity. And the only strings holding me to my ‘job’ are extremely hopeful what-ifs, while everything else in the world says I shouldn’t be here, but frankly it’s too late. I’ve already made too many mistakes. And I don’t even have the internal strength to write – which is basically my therapy. And there must be something in the water, because several of my roommates seem to feel as depressed as I do. Not necessarily for the same reasons, but there’s a dense fog of doom and gloom up in apartment 16202. Yes, they come in fog form.

So, what to do? How do we paint this silver lining? AH! SHE SAID IT!!

Maybe this time, we don’t. Maybe once in a while we accept that not every single cloud has a silver lining. That sometimes, we have to suck it up and move on. And of course we can say what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, or ‘hey, now I have pain and suffering to write about’, but do we mean it? Not when we are truly upset. And that’s life.

Sometimes we get the short end of the stick; sometimes we do something awful and karma catches up with us. Sometimes our only option is to prevail, not because there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but because there is no other option.

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