Dear driver in front of me,
We just drove past a speed limit sign that says 45, yet as we did, you slowed to 35. What are you doing? That sign really means go 50. At least, for the love of all things wonderful, go 45, because I am not able to pass your slow self on this long stretch of road.
Yes, I am close to your bumper. Have you looked at your speed? Have you looked at the time? It’s 11:30. It is close to midnight. How do you not have somewhere to be? I don’t mean some rockin’ party. I mean bed. The place I’m trying to go.
What the hell was that random turn signal? You just gave me false hope I wouldn’t be stuck behind you anymore. But, here we are. You moseying along and me releasing a steady stream of curses. It’s now 11:40, and I am not feeling good.
Do you know why, driver in front of me? Because when I lose 25 minutes of my cruddy minimum wage shift in an attempt to get home early, my one true goal isn’t asking all that much. I just want to get home from work the same day I left for work. LITERALLY. I’m not exaggerating. I worked on Wednesday. I’m going to be pissy if I get home on Thursday. Even if it’s just 12:01. Otherwise, I would have kept that $2.50 my bosses offered me to stay my whole shift. That might have paid for a coffee to keep my awake on the drive home Thursday friggin’ morning.
I know I’m all about trying to “master the art of optimism” as I called it, but come on. One slow person after another? Are you people out because you hate your homes? Mine’s a pig sty, but I’d still rather be in my comfy bed with my floppy stuffed hound dog than driving behind you. You, Mr. let’s take a drive because it’s nice out. You, Mr. insomniac. You, Mr. I obviously don’t have plans in the morning.
I do. I have people to e-mail, NaNoWriMo challenges to complete, and yet another gruesome pm shift to prepare for.
So, driver in front of me, please do me one favor, since by now it’s Thursday and I am home: do not be the driver in front of me on the drive home tonight. Because when I’m driving home from a pm shift, I have somewhere to be. And preferably, I’d like to get there the same day I left.
Miss I just want to crawl into bed after working all night (normal human being)